Freshman On Fire


I was a freshman like you were
a freshman like you are
full of hopes and dreams specifically and eagerly deceived.
And then I was on fire skin peeling burning for release.

I was a freshman like you were alone with my flames
that even though it tried sometimes it could not melt my soul.
And there will be times when you walk through campus blazing flames
begging to be seen or heard and no one will give a hot turd.

But other times you will find others on fire –friends
and you all shall blaze joyfully content to have chosen UC to be.
Blazing blue you shall laugh…. Smoke? Drink? Party?
Maybe run naked through hallways…. And in between it all pick up some knowledge.

I was a freshman like you are.
And it was beautiful-
blue flames that licked away at what you now think is an eternity of endless nights
endless ice endless tree endless credits endless life.

Well a few years down the line you may look back and realize
the exact moment your blue flame began to die
your blue blood began to thin and reality came stealthily creeping
hard and bold splashing water cold on your hopeful soul.

-Poem for the Uconn Free Press “Disorientation” issue October 2012

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Where the Dead Things Are

Silence beats at your ears and it bleeds
because you know your screams can never be as loud as your silence
in telling your tale of where the dead things are.

The dead do not weep.
So of course your soul is bleak
and stares out of hollow eyes
informing me
that your glitter hides corpses that reek
of self pity and self hate
because lets face it
you were never strong enough to love yourself
especially if society had a hand in it
labeling you and us all
to be nicely packed and shelved
but you know and I know that displays are just that,
DISPLAYS.
It’s all a front; a big fake
cuz we know deep inside where the dead things are.

Inside there is no need to hide
no need to lie
about who we are or what we want
so we nurse our inner diva
but it remains just that a secret
out of fear of crucifixion
of public conviction
that we are not;
smart enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, Or even well connected enough
so we stifle our dreams
deep inside us
out of fear for persecution
we kill our own hopes
murder our own dreams
before they have a chance to
bud- farless a chance to bloom
our chances have been doomed
so our insides become graveyards
paying everlasting tribute to what could’ve been.
So these graveyards we neglect
in frail attempt to avoid spiraling into regret
and spiraling even deeper into despair.
We never want to visit where the dead things are.
We never want to face our deaths.

 

Blue Eyes


I look deep
but you avoid my gaze
instinctively
like a reflex
as if pulling your hand
off a hot pot
you cringe unconsciously
curl inward
and your eyes search the floor
for hiding spots
but there is nowhere
to hide from my intrusive sight.

I look deep.
I look long
and your defenses fall-
and you look up-
and expose all the blue
in your eyes.
I see specks of blue so deep
and dark they make corners in hell jealous.
Specks of blue so harsh
they rip lines through your irises

I see blue bleak
hiding truths deep
and pain too intense
to realize, but your caramel eyes
cannot cover up the blue waters
that battle and crash
against your eyelids
begging for release.
But you are too strong
to break down
but I’m too smart
to believe your lies
and yes I do see the blue in your eyes
and you realize
blink quick
and hide them
with one of your favorite lies
“I’m fine.”
and you smile.

The Moon is Out Tonight


We are lover under the moon,
for no matter where we are
we share the same view.
But tonight we share that view
as two;
you behind me
and me on you.
We stare up in admiration
at what we will never have
but you in the shadow
grasp at what is now.
I feel heat on my neck
as your tongue presses
and is soon followed by your lips
and you pull me close
as we hide in the shadow
caressing the darkness
of passion within our souls
and soon we are face to face
our lips pressed in an explosion of blissful pain
knowing that we may never share
this view as two again.

You open up to me
and my tongue slides in…
searching for some truth
in you that you love me.
But in all my haste
I have gotten lost in the heat
and you have trapped me
and refuse to let me go.
We battle,
me digging deep
and you holding tight,
as you rise
and time flies
but all I find is lies
and that your arms are not mine
and your heart beat although I feel it
it does not synchronize with mine.
You pull down my shirt and expose me to the stars
searching for sweet nectar
but you are not a god.
You pull and I collapse
for our dance has fatigued me.
This tango of wanting
but knowing that I shouldn’t have
and shouldn’t take.

The moon is out tonight
and so are we.
Lips swollen from heat-
bodies hotter than solar flares-
souls laid bare-
tongues fully tasted-
moonlight exploited!
The moon is out tonight
and we are no more.

Deadly Kisses


Lip
against lip
press tightly
and slowly creep to meet mine
mutually dying
to feel silky sweet
against silky sweet
They gently part
it’s a true art
both beautiful and dark
Lips against lips

Lips against lips
emotions peak
tongue slips
and the truth it’s head peaks
out from the soul
fully exposed
there’s no truth that lips
don’t unfold

Lips
dead against mine
I can feel his pain
clawing at my mind
there is no heat
there is no pull
it is static
it is crude
no matter how hard you bury
or how hard you hide
there is no truth
from your lips I can’t pry.