Freshman On Fire


I was a freshman like you were
a freshman like you are
full of hopes and dreams specifically and eagerly deceived.
And then I was on fire skin peeling burning for release.

I was a freshman like you were alone with my flames
that even though it tried sometimes it could not melt my soul.
And there will be times when you walk through campus blazing flames
begging to be seen or heard and no one will give a hot turd.

But other times you will find others on fire –friends
and you all shall blaze joyfully content to have chosen UC to be.
Blazing blue you shall laugh…. Smoke? Drink? Party?
Maybe run naked through hallways…. And in between it all pick up some knowledge.

I was a freshman like you are.
And it was beautiful-
blue flames that licked away at what you now think is an eternity of endless nights
endless ice endless tree endless credits endless life.

Well a few years down the line you may look back and realize
the exact moment your blue flame began to die
your blue blood began to thin and reality came stealthily creeping
hard and bold splashing water cold on your hopeful soul.

-Poem for the Uconn Free Press “Disorientation” issue October 2012

The Edge- Off to College; Beginnings and Endings

(suggestion listen to The Edge of Glory-Lady GaGa while reading)  
Today I was up at 6 a.m. Today was the day that I helped my boyfriend and high school buddy move into their new dorms. It was time to ship them off and on their own. I honestly had tried my best not to think about it but as I got dressed to hop into the car I couldn’t deny it any longer.
There are many things that I am good at. As a matter of fact I excel in a various number of things; however, exposing  emotions is not one of them. I dislike displaying emotions. The drive down was okay I tried my best to keep the mood light and escape any possibility of spiraling into depression or breaking out into tears; but what are you suppose to do when Bruno Mars’ “Just the way you are” is playing and your significant other for almost five years looks you in the eyes and says “I’ll miss you.”
    I know sounds cheesy but I assure you there was nothing cheesy about it in the moment. We reached the school about 9ish and begin the process of unpacking, packing, and organizing/ turning a dorm into a temporary home. There were no tears shed here just efficient movements and a steady rhythm at work. There were jokes and smiles and laughter. I even went downstairs to help my buddy unpack; more jokes and smiles.
    

                           The rest of the day went pretty smoothly went to Five Guys, walked around campus, went to a seminar, and yes we even slept :); but maybe the positive and the jovial air is what made the impending good bye all the more sinister and heart wrenching. It was 6 a.m however and we had to get going; it was time to clip the umbilical cord. So after being heckled by the new security guard for an i.d (I finally managed to get) we held hands and ascended in the elevator. 22nd floor; doors open; tears spilled; words of reassurance; hugs; kisses; and “keep strongs” door almost closed; one more good bye; door closed- it’s over. Or not but it sure does feel like it. It seems when you’re taking another step up in life something must end for it to begin. I know that it’s the beginning of a new appreciation for each other and for the time we have and have had.

                One more goodbye was left and I swore I wouldn’t cry and I didn’t. I’ll miss her she was like my guardian angel taking every step I took and going through just as much pain as I did. It was good while it lasted and I hope and will try my best to keep in touch. It was a hug; a behave ;), and a see you later; then a group hug.
  And with that we were off. In three more weeks it’ll be my turn.