I was a freshman like you were
a freshman like you are
full of hopes and dreams specifically and eagerly deceived.
And then I was on fire skin peeling burning for release.
I was a freshman like you were alone with my flames
that even though it tried sometimes it could not melt my soul.
And there will be times when you walk through campus blazing flames
begging to be seen or heard and no one will give a hot turd.
But other times you will find others on fire –friends
and you all shall blaze joyfully content to have chosen UC to be.
Blazing blue you shall laugh…. Smoke? Drink? Party?
Maybe run naked through hallways…. And in between it all pick up some knowledge.
I was a freshman like you are.
And it was beautiful-
blue flames that licked away at what you now think is an eternity of endless nights
endless ice endless tree endless credits endless life.
Well a few years down the line you may look back and realize
the exact moment your blue flame began to die
your blue blood began to thin and reality came stealthily creeping
hard and bold splashing water cold on your hopeful soul.
-Poem for the Uconn Free Press “Disorientation” issue October 2012
Silence beats at your ears and it bleeds
because you know your screams can never be as loud as your silence
in telling your tale of where the dead things are.
The dead do not weep.
So of course your soul is bleak
and stares out of hollow eyes
that your glitter hides corpses that reek
of self pity and self hate
because lets face it
you were never strong enough to love yourself
especially if society had a hand in it
labeling you and us all
to be nicely packed and shelved
but you know and I know that displays are just that,
It’s all a front; a big fake
cuz we know deep inside where the dead things are.
Inside there is no need to hide
no need to lie
about who we are or what we want
so we nurse our inner diva
but it remains just that a secret
out of fear of crucifixion
of public conviction
that we are not;
smart enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, Or even well connected enough
so we stifle our dreams
deep inside us
out of fear for persecution
we kill our own hopes
murder our own dreams
before they have a chance to
bud- farless a chance to bloom
our chances have been doomed
so our insides become graveyards
paying everlasting tribute to what could’ve been.
So these graveyards we neglect
in frail attempt to avoid spiraling into regret
and spiraling even deeper into despair.
We never want to visit where the dead things are.
We never want to face our deaths.
We are lover under the moon,
for no matter where we are
we share the same view.
But tonight we share that view
you behind me
and me on you.
We stare up in admiration
at what we will never have
but you in the shadow
grasp at what is now.
I feel heat on my neck
as your tongue presses
and is soon followed by your lips
and you pull me close
as we hide in the shadow
caressing the darkness
of passion within our souls
and soon we are face to face
our lips pressed in an explosion of blissful pain
knowing that we may never share
this view as two again.
You open up to me
and my tongue slides in…
searching for some truth
in you that you love me.
But in all my haste
I have gotten lost in the heat
and you have trapped me
and refuse to let me go.
me digging deep
and you holding tight,
as you rise
and time flies
but all I find is lies
and that your arms are not mine
and your heart beat although I feel it
it does not synchronize with mine.
You pull down my shirt and expose me to the stars
searching for sweet nectar
but you are not a god.
You pull and I collapse
for our dance has fatigued me.
This tango of wanting
but knowing that I shouldn’t have
and shouldn’t take.
The moon is out tonight
and so are we.
Lips swollen from heat-
bodies hotter than solar flares-
souls laid bare-
tongues fully tasted-
The moon is out tonight
and we are no more.
I thought poetry was dead… until I heard Joshua Bennett! Such a pleasant surprise as I scrolled through my facebook newsfeed in an attempt to escape my chemistry homework. My ears were blessed hope you love it.
and slowly creep to meet mine
to feel silky sweet
against silky sweet
They gently part
it’s a true art
both beautiful and dark
Lips against lips
Lips against lips
and the truth it’s head peaks
out from the soul
there’s no truth that lips
dead against mine
I can feel his pain
clawing at my mind
there is no heat
there is no pull
it is static
it is crude
no matter how hard you bury
or how hard you hide
there is no truth
from your lips I can’t pry.
No matter how hard you fight
every game of pretend
must come to an end
together til the end
well who would have thought
the end would be so near
I stand there watching silently
as you pack all your emotional things
memories are folded nice and square
every moment when we laid our souls bare
No matter how hard we fought
we knew that playing pretend
would never end well
well here we are
you on the other side of the door
tears choke out of my throat
as I hold the door
not sure if it I want to close
saying goodbye isn’t easy
saying goodbye isn’t fun
but it’s time to say goodbye
so I shut the door.
I lean back against the door
cuz I can’t support myself
It’s hard to face reality
when all you’ve done is pretend
My body slides down
as my tears cascade
my defenses crumble
but I have no strength to pray
In all honesty
I never thought reality would be so hard
I’d just like to lay here dead and play pretend.
Two lovers meet
cold lips against cold lips
they synchronize souls and into each other they dip…
two lovers meet on the other side of the fence
his bony fingers and hers intertwine
wrapped and wrapped in embalming twine
two lovers greet and become one
body above body
cold and sweet
lovers and death’s kiss
two lovers meet
a little too late
their bodies have had time to deteriorate
lovers lovers buried deep
an unfortunate tale
of a love that could’ve been sweet
two lovers cross paths and never said a word
now they lay dead
what their love could’ve been they’ll never know