Silence beats at your ears and it bleeds
because you know your screams can never be as loud as your silence
in telling your tale of where the dead things are.
The dead do not weep.
So of course your soul is bleak
and stares out of hollow eyes
that your glitter hides corpses that reek
of self pity and self hate
because lets face it
you were never strong enough to love yourself
especially if society had a hand in it
labeling you and us all
to be nicely packed and shelved
but you know and I know that displays are just that,
It’s all a front; a big fake
cuz we know deep inside where the dead things are.
Inside there is no need to hide
no need to lie
about who we are or what we want
so we nurse our inner diva
but it remains just that a secret
out of fear of crucifixion
of public conviction
that we are not;
smart enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, Or even well connected enough
so we stifle our dreams
deep inside us
out of fear for persecution
we kill our own hopes
murder our own dreams
before they have a chance to
bud- farless a chance to bloom
our chances have been doomed
so our insides become graveyards
paying everlasting tribute to what could’ve been.
So these graveyards we neglect
in frail attempt to avoid spiraling into regret
and spiraling even deeper into despair.
We never want to visit where the dead things are.
We never want to face our deaths.
What’s worst than feeling pain
is not feeling at all
‘cuz you know that
like the silence before
it’s your mind prepping
by keeping your soul and body calm
What’s worse than believing everything
is believing nothing at all
‘cuz when shit hits the fan
you have nothing to cling to
it’s like drowning
and there’s nothing to cling to
What’s worse than feeling pain
is feeling desolate
a desert with no vegetation
no wind blows
and your soul stands stagnant
wilting under the weight
of the hot sun
that is life
dying because there is no
reason to live
and there is no feelings to feel.
When we are young we put it out there. We share, we love, we hug… until something or someone cracks our faith and trust. The next time around we are less willing to do the previously mentioned. We love a little less and grow a little colder- we develop hearts of cold.
Of course not everyone gets the heart cold but most of you know exactly what I’m talking about. When was the last time you had a heart to heart with someone you knew.Why is it so hard to trust those you know and so easy to trust strangers? Judgement. A stranger knows nothing about your past and you can therefore present yourself as you want to be viewed. It is a lot harder to pull wool over the eyes of those who know your actions and therefore know your pattern of behavior.
It is not to say that when you meet someone new you lie or skew who you really are it is more of a presenting who you are at the moment or who you want to be. Who’s to say that by acting like who you want to be you don’t in the process of repeating the actions, make them habit and indeed become who you want to be? The problem with the people you know is that they are less reluctant to let you become who you want. They are so used to the pattern that is that anything that goes of that path they expect nature to drive it back. There is no better way to break a bad habit than by replacing it with a good one. So here are a few ways to kill the heart cold (get out your pen and paper… or ipad/iphone/android).
1. Crack a smile
I have been told countless times that I am unapproachable or cold because I never smile. I’m not saying to go around smiling like bozo the clown but every now and then cracking a smile could be the difference between a good day and a bad day if not for you then for the stranger you’ve smiled at.
It is very hard to change your path if you’re carrying a ton of emotional baggage. If you intend to tread a new path dispose of all garbage before you set foot on your path to heart health :). Wouldn’t you like to start your new journey with no bags arms swinging at your side?
3.Go somewhere new.
How can you expect to change if you’re visiting the same places. The same places lead to the same actions and the same actions will NOT lead to a change.
Holding things in is dangerous. You don’t have to express yourself for others and you definitely don’t have to make it public. Expressing yourself could be as simple as how you dress, what songs you sing when you are alone, writing, or drawing in a private book. If and only if you feel comfortable sharing it with others then and only then should you. Why let dirt and grime build up in you don’t you clean your fish tank or empty out your pet’s litterbox on a regular basis (for all you anti pet people don’t you clear your phone’s memory or delete the cookies on your computer)… why not do the same for your soul?
-Please feel free to give suggestions of your own
as the inside peaks
but if it would expose
the truth it would reek
of her rotten soul
inside it is shriveling
outside it is masked
eyeshadow eyeliner eye lies
her reflection day in and day out
now the mirror cant even tell her truth from her lies
as slowly the old her dies
and the new her blossoms
a black rose
the new her blossoms
a dead rose
and though she may perfume the air
with false images that intoxicate the
lives and psyche her scent seeps
deep within their soul
but watch out
her thorns bite
deep in you
and even deeper in her
Warning object in photo (below) is more sensitive than appears… If harmed object shall become wrathful; take precaution when handling!